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3 Practices of Emotionally Intelligent People with Their Smartphones

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In an age where smartphones dominate our attention, emotionally intelligent individuals recognize the negative impact of “phubbing”—the act of ignoring someone in favor of a phone. Research indicates that this behavior erodes trust and weakens relationships, leaving others feeling lonely and dissatisfied. Harvard-trained EQ expert Dr. Jenny Woo outlines three essential practices that emotionally intelligent people adopt to foster deeper connections while managing their smartphones effectively.

1. Plan: Set Intentions Before Social Interactions

Emotionally intelligent people establish clear intentions for their phone usage during social interactions. They employ “if-then” statements to minimize decision fatigue and resist the urge to check their devices. Examples of these statements include:

  • “If I’m having a meal with someone, then I’ll put my phone on silent and wait until the meal is over to check it.”
  • “If I remember something I need to do on my phone during a work meeting, then I’ll jot it down on a sticky note and handle it afterward.”
  • “If I absolutely need to check my phone during a conversation, then I’ll first inform the other person and explain what I’m doing.”

When they slip up, they don’t dwell on self-criticism. Instead, they acknowledge the lapse and repair any damage by saying something like, “I’m so sorry about that; you have my full attention now.”

2. Pocket: Keep the Phone Further Away

Research shows that simply having a phone within reach—even when turned off—can reduce cognitive capacity and focus. Emotionally intelligent individuals create physical distance between themselves and their devices to enhance mental clarity and productivity.

By keeping their phones in pockets or another room, they minimize the temptation to reach for their devices mindlessly. This deliberate choice helps them maintain focus during meaningful interactions and reduces the risk of distractions that could derail conversations.

3. Pause: Establish Phone-Free Zones

Constant phone notifications can keep our brains in a reactive state, making it difficult to concentrate on important tasks or interactions. Studies suggest that it takes an average of 23 minutes to regain focus after checking a phone. Emotionally intelligent people understand the need to manage these distractions.

They intentionally pause their phone use by setting designated phone-free zones—such as during meals or in bedrooms—and making agreements with family, friends, or colleagues to ensure genuine presence. Switching phones to “Do Not Disturb” mode and turning off non-essential notifications can further minimize interruptions, allowing them to cultivate deeper connections with those around them.

Conclusion

By planning their phone usage, creating physical barriers, and establishing phone-free zones, emotionally intelligent individuals can combat the urge to engage in phubbing. These practices not only foster deeper relationships but also enhance their overall well-being. While smartphones will always be a part of life, the moments shared with others are fleeting and should be prioritized.

Why Bars Are the Worst Place to Meet a Potential Partner, According to Dating Experts

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If you’re looking to meet a meaningful partner, hopping from bar to bar might not be the best strategy. Dating coaches like Blaine Anderson, founder of Dating by Blaine, argue that bars and clubs are “bad places to meet people” because there’s often no deeper connection beyond simply being in the same location.

Drinking culture, particularly in places like the U.S., is common, but being in a bar doesn’t reveal much about a person’s values or interests, says Grace Lee, founder of A Good First Date. Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist, adds that bar-based interactions often result in shallow conversations that fail to translate into long-term compatibility outside of that setting.

Instead of relying on bars, experts suggest pursuing activities that align with your values and passions. Joining hobby-based groups or attending events centered around shared interests will likely lead to more authentic connections. As Anderson puts it, “Dating, in general, is a numbers game,” and meeting people through meaningful, shared experiences gives you a higher chance of success.

Surveys support this approach. According to a study by The Knot, 62% of couples met through mutual friends, underscoring the power of connecting within your social circle.

Ultimately, while dating apps and bars might seem convenient, experts suggest cultivating a lifestyle that reflects who you are and allows you to meet people in more meaningful environments.

How to Revive Your Relationship: Esther Perel’s Key Advice for Honest Conversations and Rekindling Connection

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In long-term relationships, it’s common to experience periods of disconnection or dissatisfaction. Even couples who seem to have it all together, like former U.S. President Barack Obama and Michelle Obama, have openly discussed enduring challenging phases in their marriage. Michelle shared that long-term relationships often involve prolonged periods of discomfort that can last for years, urging couples to be prepared for such challenges.

Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel believes that reigniting the flame in a relationship starts with an honest conversation. In her “Desire Bundle” online course, she emphasizes the importance of not waiting passively for the spark to return. Instead, Perel encourages individuals to take the initiative and address the situation head-on.

If you’re struggling to find the right words, Perel suggests using a straightforward script to navigate the conversation:

  1. Address the Obvious: Begin by acknowledging the lack of recent conversations about your relationship. Express how you’ve both been busy managing household responsibilities and social obligations, but haven’t prioritized your connection.
  2. Express What You Miss: Share the small, yet meaningful moments you miss—like holding hands, checking in with each other, and simply appreciating one another’s presence.
  3. Invite Change: Propose a mutual effort to reconnect, asking your partner to join you in prioritizing your relationship and making it a central focus again.

Perel suggests that if your partner is open to change, it’s important to take action right away. She recommends scheduling activities that foster curiosity and excitement—whether it’s trying something new together like attending a concert or revisiting old hobbies, such as biking or exploring nature. The goal is to revive the vibrancy and vitality that might have been lost over time.

Ultimately, Perel reminds couples that it’s not just about physical intimacy but about bringing back energy and aliveness to the relationship. “Even the cactus can die,” she warns, emphasizing that neglecting the emotional and dynamic aspects of a relationship can lead to its gradual demise.

By initiating these honest conversations and committing to change, couples can work together to reignite their bond and bring life back into their partnership.