First dates often come with awkward or inappropriate questions, as people seek to gauge their compatibility with potential partners. One of the most sensitive topics that can arise is money, specifically questions about income. This can make many people feel uncomfortable, even though finances are important in assessing long-term compatibility, according to Kelsey Wonderlin, a Nashville-based dating coach.
Wonderlin, who has advised around 200 singles, says money matters, especially for those looking for serious relationships. Many singles want to know if a potential match shares similar financial habits. “A lot of my clients, especially women in finance, want a partner who can match their lifestyle,” Wonderlin says.
While some may ask about money subtly, others may be more direct. So, what should you do if faced with this question? According to dating experts, there are several ways to respond, particularly if you’re uncomfortable discussing your salary early in the relationship.
Rachel DeAlto, a dating expert for the app Plenty of Fish, advises that etiquette suggests money discussions should be avoided on a first date. “It’s not necessary to jump into money conversations if you’re just casually dating,” DeAlto says. However, she also acknowledges that financial compatibility is essential, as differences in lifestyle spending can become an issue down the road. A conversation about money can often be about lifestyle preferences rather than a literal question of income.
If asked directly about your salary, you’re not obligated to answer. DeAlto recommends giving a vague but polite response such as, “I make a living wage” or “My salary is pretty average, but I’m hoping for a raise next year.” This way, you can dodge the discomfort while keeping things light.
Wonderlin agrees and adds that you can use this moment to learn more about your date by turning the question around. You might respond with, “That’s an interesting question, but I’m not comfortable sharing that just yet. Why is it so important to you?” This tactic keeps the conversation respectful and helps you understand your date’s values around money.
And of course, if you’re comfortable discussing your salary, you can feel free to share it. In some cases, not feeling bothered by the question could indicate you’re with someone who shares similar values, making them a potential good fit.